Friends for Life but What About in Business?

Recently read a blog from Peter Bregman, CEO of Bregman Partners, Inc and also author of Point B: A Short Guide to Leading a Big Change. This is only part of what the entire blog was about but I thought it was worthwhile to share.

"So having friends and treating them generously is clearly a winning strategy in life. But what about business?

If you watch even a single episode of any reality TV show based on a competition — The Apprentice, Survivor, Top Chef, America's Next Top Model, The Bachelor, The Amazing Race; it doesn't matter which — you'll hear a single phrase come up more often than any other:

"I'm not here to make friends!"

Apparently many of the contestants believe that in order to win you can't be worried about how you affect others. As one contestant on The Apprentice so eloquently said, "We're not here to make friends. It's nothing personal. This is business." Is that true? Are we better off being cutthroat than collaborative?

Well, let's look at the data. If you're looking for a job you'd better have friends. The number-one way people find new jobs is referrals by friends.

Once you're on the job, having a best friend at work is a strong predictor of success. People might define "best" loosely (think of this as kindergarten where you can have more than one "best" friend), but according to a Gallup Organization study of more than 5 million workers over 35, 56% of the people who say they have a best friend at work are engaged, productive, and successful while only 8% of the ones who don't are.

Want to stay in that job you have? Then you'd better have friends. As a friend of mine who runs sales for a successful technology company told me recently, "People try hard not to fire their friends. It's the difference between 'he's a good guy' and 'I don't know about that guy."

The happy truth is that the people who say they're not here to make friends don't win. That's true for reality TV. It's true for business. And it's true for life.

In other words, it's a pretty good bet that we really are here to make friends."

 

Posted on Tue, July 13, 2010 by Ron Beasley filed under

5 comments (Add your own)

1. Mark S wrote:
In my business, I consult with many people in business all the time. I am a firm believer in cultivating relationships and friendships in business. More important than what it has meant for my business is that it is an integral part of my faith. Many of my best relationships have been in my professional life and still are to this day.

With that said, friends should be very careful about going into business together. It is one thing to form friendships in the business arena. But to take existing friendships "into" the business arena is another issue...and potentially risky, to the business and to the friendship. I am not saying that it can't or shouldn't be done, but in my years of consulting, I've seen many friendships hurt after going into business together. Proceed with caution!

Tue, July 13, 2010 @ 11:42 AM

2. Goose wrote:
Lack of experience has slanted my view towards one idea. Although we would like to have friends in the company, I'm afraid that comes with time. In the dark corner of our minds we know to identify possible threats to our job and make them our allies. It’s not really friendship but survival. I'm not saying it’s impossible to make friends, quite the opposite. I think the majority could say they have 10-15 friends or a small percent of their company’s population. The rest are either ignored or bundled into our survival package hoping to motivate them to our side. But once again, I’m young and lack experience.

So what if we took the Christian perspective? Regardless if you are a Christian the idea is still worth considering. Christianity purposes the death or end of self gain and pursue others with the intent to serve them. I wonder what would happen if we stopped seeing business as an outlet to pursue self desires and start seeing it as an opportunity to serve? As the book 'Mere Christianity' points out; God wants you, not part of your time, not part of your business, not part of your money - just you. If we invest in the "You" the rest will be thrown in.

Tue, July 13, 2010 @ 2:57 PM

3. Dr. Ron wrote:
Mark, you remind me of a saying I have had to learn from the hard way, "Don't do business with friends and family". However in this case I think friendships formed at work are different than starting a business with friends (my case). But you are 100% correct, proceed with caution on all accounts.

Tue, July 13, 2010 @ 3:08 PM

4. Dr. Ron wrote:
Goose,
Great thoughts. Appreciate your candor and example of not being experienced long enough in business to know for sure. Loved your idea about serving, self desires and quote from C.S. Lewis. Couldn't agree more.

Tue, July 13, 2010 @ 3:09 PM

5. Kelly North wrote:
Having a good friend at work, which has similar experiences, sure helps in bouncing ideas off and working out problems. You need the kind of friend who will tell you the truth even when the truth hurts.

The problem in government, and maybe in the private sector, is people tend to get promoted, or not disciplined based more on whom they know than what they know or what they did. Incompetence promotes incompetence.

Tue, July 13, 2010 @ 5:25 PM

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Friends for Life but What About in Business?