Yesterday I attended kindergarten. My lovely wife is a kindergarten teacher, and I was there to offer her assistance with 22 rug rats (and no, I was not one of the 22!). On the first day of school it honestly felt like trying to herd cats! From shutting the bathroom door for little boys who forgot to, to opening milk cartons, helping to find their desks with their names, to telling a few, "there is no crying in kindergarten, so button it up!" (Just kidding about the last one).

A week ago I met with 12 young men and women who are hungry to learn about their careers and leadership. Most are early in their careers and are eager to find, among other things, how to move forward and up the ladder in the corporate world.

And in the past month I met with a couple of men who are looking at retirement and making decisions like, "What to do next?" They are in the sunset years of their careers and look back with some sadness but forward with anticipation of what lies ahead.

Finally, I read a study by Richard Ryan and Edward Deci from the Journal of the American Psychological Association: "A strong focus on internal motives, such as personal growth and development as a leader, is associated with higher self esteem and lower stress. A strong focus on external motives, such as the wealth and the profile that can be achieved as a leader (like fame, power, etc.) is associated with lower self esteem and higher stress."

What do kindergarten, careers, and retirement have in common? The first is ambition. Ambition defined means, "the earnest desire for some achievement or distinction, such as power, honor, fame, wealth and the willingness to strive for attainment". It is a belief that is engrained into us the minute we start school and throughout our careers that if we will just strive hard enough, get enough education, meet the right people, be loyal to the organization that the result will be a title, money, fame, power and all the other stuff success will bring because "all of this will be mine."

Desire on the other hand is defined as "to wish or long for; want (verb form)." "A longing, craving, as for something that brings satisfaction and enjoyment (noun)."

Warning! Don't be ambitious and lose control of the desires for what really matters in life. Desires and ambitions go hand in hand. I don't think you can have ambitions without desires. However make sure as you go from kindergarten, though your career, and reflect on your life at retirement that you have not allowed your ambitions to rule the desires for what really matters in life. 

Here are a few questions to ask yourself from a man smarter than me to help you sort this out:

1. "If I got what I want, what would it give me? and, "Is it something that I really want?"

2. "Would I take it right now?"

3. Ask yourself these two questions over and over again beginning where the last answer left off. It will get you closer to what you want most. (The Answer to How is Yes by Peter Block)

"Don't ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive, and go do that, because what the world needs is people who have come alive." (From Wild at Heart by John Eldredge)

And for those who need a reminder for the people who are important in your life, check this out. It's a minute and a half.

rb