In my former life as a full time therapist I had both the pleasant and not so pleasant experiences of meeting all kinds of people with all kinds of problems. From single adults to married couples, parents with little children and those with teenagers. The range of problems were from depression and anxiety to learning problems, parenting problems, phobias, and marital problems. Each time the person or family would come in complaining about "the problem" and wanting to dig up a reason it happened or is happening.

Like in the movie City Slickers when Curly asks, "Do you know what the secret to life is?" He then holds up one finger. All these people want me to discover for them what this 'one thing' is. But like in the movie, my answer is 'That's what you have to figure out'. So then in my natural compassionate, understanding voice I would ask, "so do you want to figure out how to do more of the same problem or look for successes and do more of those because I'm fresh out of magic?" (see how good I was).

These days when I visit with companies and business leaders I can't say much has changed when it comes to looking for the one secret that will make all the problems go away. It seems the focus is always on the problem or person with the problem and very few times on the solutions. I learned in school and from years of walking people through therapy that if you're thinking about encouraging change, look for solutions that work and do more of those. Then do it again. And again.

You get the point.

But we're a stubborn, rational people who are naturally 'gifted' to look for 'what's wrong' vs. 'what's right'. Our rational thinking side wants to make sense out something before it thinks it can possibly change it. That made it tough to get people to change in therapy and makes it just as tough to get people to buy into change in business, schools, government, and leadership today.

Case in point: How much time do you spend focused on problems and difficulties at work vs. successes and goals met? Let me guess your answer: "Little" or "none". So what may I suggest you try more of?

Step 1. Notice results you don't like.

Step 2. Notice results you do like.

Step 3. Ask the million dollar questions- "What did you do well?" and "What would you do different next time?"

Step 4. Do more of step two than step one.

Step 5. Repeat step 3 again and again.

In times of problems and difficulties, don't go digging for reasons of 'why it happens or happened'.  Instead look for reasons the successes are occurring and have more of those moments.

Here is a short 1:15 minute video that describes what I'm talking about:

So stop digging it ends up being either a hole or rut and either way you won't find what you're looking for....most likely.

rb